I’ve heard people say you must find your happiness in doing good for others, or in bringing sunshine to dark places in the world, or in believing that you are needed. The problem with this for me is it’s too much of a responsibility. To be responsible to bring joy and happiness to someone’s life is too much for me. I am no one. Who am I? Why should someone look to me for their joy and their happiness? Why should they look to me for their meaning?
Years ago I befriended this woman who was obviously unhappy. No one liked her. They talked to her only because it was the Christian thing to do, but they avoided her when they could and did not really make friends with her. I felt bad. I thought I would help her and make friends with her so she could be happy. But before long she was turning around and making me really unhappy. I started to dread her coming over so we could hang out together. I did not want to be with her anymore. It seemed to me every thing that came out of her mouth was just negative, a put down, and a scorn. No one was good enough for her. She seemed to always find fault. Whenever I tried to suggest a more positive thought to her point of view she scorned it. I tried to laugh it off but felt hurt and disturbed inside. The final straw for me was when she wouldn’t stop talking about our pastor and his family. She had nothing good to say. I felt the Lord telling me that it was time to let her go. Stop being a martyr about it and stop hanging out with her. She was poisoning me. I had no other choice. So with prayer and with the courage of the Holy Spirit I finally stopped hanging out with her.
I had to learn a few more times to finally realize and accept that I cannot make an unhappy person happy. That work can only be done through the Holy Spirit. When someone is miserable and unhappy it’s because it’s ingrained in that person already. They have made up their minds to be unhappy. Nothing I will do will change that except prayer.
I also have come to understand how arrogant it is to think I can be responsible to someone’s happiness – that they should look to me to bring them happiness and joy. Who am I? I am not God. I cannot make anyone happy. Besides, it’s too much to bear. I’ve had friends and relationships that just became too much for me. Another friend one time would punish me every time I changed time on her or canceled our outing together. She would get so disappointed that she wouldn’t talk to me for days afterwards.
I know what it’s like to be unhappy myself. When I first got married I thought my husband would make me happy. He would be responsible for my happiness. But that soon blew up in my face because every time he disappointed me I punished him. And when I did, he didn’t feel like loving me then or making me happy then. Who wants to be with someone that punishes you every time you couldn’t live up to their expectations? No one. Trust me on this. No one wants to live with someone who holds grudges and punishes people because you disappointed them. Thankfully, I stopped punishing him and started communicating better about what I wanted, and great happiness in our relationship soon followed.
It’s very tempting to find meaning in friendships, relationships, and even work. But I have come to understand that only God can give me my true worth and meaning in this life – no one can but God alone. I have come to understand again and again that I cannot look to people or to events, or to circumstances in my life or even to a career for happiness. Things change. People change. Nothing stays the same in this life. A wonderful friend or family member that we cherish can be taken away from us without warning. A great awesome job we are in love with can lay us off tomorrow. Who is to guarantee us anything in this life? If we find our meaning through these things we see and feel and have put in our hearts to find our worth, we are going to be really heartbroken and might not even recover once they are gone. How will we live our lives then?
To me the only way to live is to love Jesus Christ with all of my heart, mind, soul, body and strength. He will never change. He will never disappoint. And if it seems like He has, stay still and wait for Him because He’s going to come around and work all things out for our good in the end. I want to love Him so much and find my worth and meaning in Him. That way when life hits the fan and things don’t go the way I had planned, and I become really disappointed and heartbroken, He can come and rescue me. He can come and make things right again. He has done it in times past, I know He will do it again. I have come to experience He knows how to work every thing out for my good. No one else can do that except Jesus Christ. That’s why I find my meaning in the Lord again and again. No one can satisfy like Him. No one can give worth like He does. And no one can love me better than the Lord.
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. {Philippians 1:21}
What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? {Romans 8:31}
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. {Proverbs 18:24}
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. {Romans 8:28}
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. {Philippians 4:13}
Prayer
Father, how wonderful You are. How faithful and true. I love You so much. Thank You with all of my heart for being my friend, for being there for me time and time again when I’ve needed You. You never fail. You never disappoint. You always work things out for my good. I thank You because You know how to put meaning in my life. You know how to give me worth in this life.
I pray Lord Jesus that You would always be my reason for living – that You would always be the one I look to for my meaning in this life. Help me to never ever stop loving You and to never ever stop talking to You. Talking to You gives me joy and worth in this life. You have given me worth time and time again when people and events have made me feel so worthless. I love You so much. I pray for more love for You until the day of Your return. I pray this in Your most wonderful and precious name, Jesus. Thank You, Father. Amen.
