How can you help someone who is hurting, even when you have not experienced the loss they have suffered? It doesn’t just have to be someone that passed away, it could be someone they lost through divorce, or pain they’re going through that no one seems to understand. You might find yourself feeling helpless and may even avoid that friend because of the uncomfortable situation. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Just be there to listen. All your friend needs is someone to be there, to listen, to empathize, and to feel that someone cares. If you care at all, then you can be that friend. You don’t have to be a super human to be a friend. You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t even have to say anything at all or know any answers at all. You don’t have to take their pain away because you can’t. This is going to be a process over time. It’s not going to happen over night. Just be there to listen. God does the taking of the pain away. God does the drying of the tears. He just needs you to be available, to be His humanly comfort, to show your friend that He’s there for him or her through you.
Pray for them and with them. God asked me one time to hug a friend. It was hard for me. I couldn’t do it at first because I didn’t feel like she was wanting a hug at that moment. As a matter of fact, she was being so scornful that I felt like moving away from her instead of coming near to her. But I did it anyway because He told me to. When I hugged that friend she burst out crying and so did I. Who knew she needed the hug after all? While I hugged that friend God led me to pray for her. He told me that He was healing her through my prayer and my hug. I may not understand it at all, but He surely does. He saw what I didn’t see in that friend, and He knew what she needed at that moment. I didn’t need to explain myself. I didn’t need to have any answer at all. I just needed to be there for God’s purpose and for that friend. There are going to be times that you won’t know what to say or what to do when that friend is grieving, but you may feel like praying for them. Ask them if it’s okay to pray for them. I’ve found in my experience that God will place these thoughts in your heart as an avenue of His love. Through prayer He can come and heal. You connect with Him and He connects through you. Jesus tells us,
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of My Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them. {Matthew 18:19-20}
It’s really a very powerful thing to pray with someone who is hurting, because it’s not just you who is helping them. God in turn is right there with you, helping you and helping your friend find strength.
Spend time alone in prayer for yourself and for them. This is truly crucial to be able to be available for your friend. You have to spend time alone with Jesus, connecting with Him and finding your own strength with Him. It’s crucial because you cannot bear your friend’s burdens alone. If you go on being available for your friend without connecting with God, you are going to get burned out and get discouraged, and will want to hide and run away from your friend. Running and hiding from your friend who is hurting and needs someone at this very tough season of their life is the last thing they need. You have to be strong for their sake, and it is possible when you make time to connect with Jesus. Tell Him your need of Him regarding your friend. Tell Him your desire regarding your friend or your loved one. Don’t hide what you truly feel from Him. If you’re worn out by that friend or if you want a break for few days, tell Him. He will give you rest. He will give you the strength you need. Also don’t stop asking Him for their healing, for their deliverance and for strength to see their day through everyday. Also ask for them to learn to find Him as their own source of strength, and learn to look to Him first instead of people so that they will be able to stand on their own feet sooner rather than later.
This is a problem a lot of us face these days, we don’t know how to find God first. But if we learn to find God first and find His strength first, when we call on a friend for comfort we can end up giving them joy. We can let them know we are able to face the day with our own grief. We’re all right. We don’t sorrow and burden too much, because we’ve already unburdened ourselves and found our strength in God. That friend then rejoices because they see you in better spirits and don’t have to worry about you too much.
Avoid burdening someone else with someone else’s burdens. The last thing we want to do when we’re being a friend to someone that is hurting is find another friend to unburden those burdens to. What that actually does is make us a gossip. We might not think so. We might not intend to do so, but eventually that’s what it will lead to. At the end of the day it doesn’t feel good. You’re compromising someone’s trust in you. The last thing you want to end up happening is that friend finding out you’ve breached their confidence in you. That’s why it is so crucial to find God first in the process of being a friend to someone that’s hurting. We must find our own strength first with the Lord and not look to another friend to unburden our burdens to. Apostle Paul tells us that when we’re weak Jesus is strong.
And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. {2 Corinthians 12:9-10}
Jesus tells us Himself:
Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light. {Matthew 11:28-30}
When we learn to find Christ as our own source of strength, then we can learn to be a friend to those that are hurting. He will show us what to do. He will guide us. He will give us the strength to be a friend to our friend, and give us wisdom what to say and when to say it. We can be available to be God’s servant to those He needs us to be a friend to. We don’t have to be alone in this task. We have Him and He will carry us.
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. {Philippians 4:13}
I pray that out of the riches of His glory He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being. {Ephesians 3:16}
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, that He considered me faithful and appointed me to service. {1 Timothy 1:12}
Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; {Colossians 1:11}
Prayer
Lord Jesus, I thank You Father for Your presence in my life. I thank You that You promised to never ever leave me nor forsake me. I thank You that I don’t have to carry my friend’s burdens alone. I have You to go to and unburden myself to. You will be there to strengthen me. You will be there to help me help my friend. You will give me the wisdom what to say and when to say it, and when to listen and not say anything. You will guide me because You understand my needs and my friend’s needs. I thank You because You love us both.
I pray Your continued grace upon my soul today, Father, each and everyday as I make myself available to my friend. Help me to not take their burdens upon myself and become overwhelmed. Help me to remember that it is a process of healing and that in time, with their prayers to you and my prayers to you, they will be healed and will not hurt as much as they do today. You will make it well for them again. Help me to keep believing in You and have faith in You working this situation out for me. Help me to keep loving them even when I don’t feel like I can do it anymore, or when it’s not easy anymore. Help me to keep being an avenue of your love and grace every day Father, I pray, in Your most wonderful and precious name, Jesus. Thank You, Father. Amen.
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