“There is that maketh himself rich yet hath nothing: there is that maketh himself poor yet hath great riches.” {Proverbs 13:7}
I love this verse. It’s a little confusing at first but once you lived it you come to understand what it means. I used to think being rich is the way to go. As young as 14 years old I was already planning my life, determined to be rich. At 17, I was looking at infomercials on TV how to get rich as a realtor and wondered how I could pick up the phone and call and get information and be taken seriously. I was afraid they might think I was too young. By the time I was in college I decided I was going to run a home for the aged instead since I was studying nursing, and be the administrator of the nursing home at the same time. There was a problem however, as I soon realized in my second year, taking all these science classes that I despised science! I never cared for it really in junior high and in high school, but now that it’s full blown Biology and Chemistry and I spent hours on end studying for exams just to end up with a C for grades, it was starting to dawn on me that I might not end up running that nursing home after all. I even went and got my nursing assistant certificate and spent over a thousand dollars and woke up at wee hours of the morning to trek to the city to do my internship just to end up not showing up for my first day for work. In short I despised the whole nursing thing! What was I thinking? So then, I did a course in Travel and was sure I was going to end up owning my own travel agency and traveling all over the world for free (and traveling first class too!), but that didn’t last either. I couldn’t find a job. But I was determined to be a success nevertheless. I just had to find another path that’s all. Even if it involved a slight curve in the path, a little detour, like falling in love and getting married before I graduated college. A rich husband was in the radar of my hit list but it didn’t happen. I remember few months before I met my husband I was kneeling in prayer and I asked for a rich husband. The Holy Spirit responded instead with a question, “Do you want to be rich or happy?” Ugh. I responded with, “Can I have both?” He responded with the same question, not amused at all: Do you want to be rich or happy? Well, this was really tough for me. I was so tempted to say, scrap happiness! But lo and behold, I have a better heart after all (which amazed me even at that age), and I said instead grumbling, “Happy.” I had the feeling then I wasn’t going to marry a rich man. Well, I married my husband for better or for worse because despite the lack of money, we did have enough love to last us for eternity.
Anyway, I can still make myself rich I figured. And the hubby was full of dreams too, so we will do this and be rich together. I graduated from college and landed a wonderful job. I was so full of dreams and ambition – so much so in just six months I was given a huge raise. My employers were singing my praises. They couldn’t get enough of me. Then I dropped the bomb on them, “I’m quitting.” After two and half years I was so miserable. I just felt like that wasn’t it. I didn’t belong there. I needed to be somewhere else, I just didn’t know exactly where. And anyway, the Lord told me to quit and spend time with Him. I told the Lord after college that if He lets me, I will only work for three years and after that I was His. But unfortunately I couldn’t last. So I spent the next six years in the Lord’s presence, seeking after Him, getting emotional and spiritual healing, doing His work – in prayers and fasting, singing, writing songs, reading His word, teaching Sunday School – but there was only one problem that I was seeing in this scenario: no money. He provides, don’t get me wrong – all my needs were met – but still no money. Not a lot of it. I’ve got to go back to work and climb that corporate ladder and chip in to the money fund and all will be all right. I’ve got to be that person I was seeing in my mind wearing a black suit, a briefcase, a beautiful office, with a phone in my hand. Looking beautiful, rich and important. So I started talking to the Lord about it. I had this feeling I shouldn’t be doing this – that I was going to regret it – but I was determine to have just one more try. I needed to climb that corporate ladder. I had to try to be somebody. In the interim I tried to come up with my own business, tried to study web design, then quit, because no – that’s not where it was either. Then I studied photography – nope, that’s not it either. Then I came across an article in a magazine that talked about “imagining yourself in five years – how do you see yourself?” Well, I thought hard about it this time. I knew I wanted to do something with music and children – they seem to love my songs in my Sunday School class, so why not? I realized then what I wanted to do this time. It might not bring in a lot of money, but at least it’s going to give me a little bit more than what I had. Most importantly to give me a purpose and the ability to do something I believed that I would love to do. So I talked to the Lord about it. I said to Him, “Let me work for five years, go back to college and get my Music degree, and become a Music teacher.” And I told Him, after that I was His. Well, He said, “ I support you.” I felt He was giving me a green light to go back to work for five years.
Well, let’s just say that the next five years was a life altering experience. I have never spent a more miserable five years in my life! Sometime in this five years I must have found a moment of joy because I reminded the Lord that He still owed me six months for the first three years that I worked earlier; that I didn’t really do the whole three years – forgetting how this kind of job made me feel. As if that experience wasn’t a sign enough for me that I didn’t belong there, lo and behold I found myself going back into the same field. I had sworn that I wasn’t going back to this kind of job ever, ever, again. And what did I go back into? For five years and a half – yes, five and a half years– that same exact job – just different company! This time it’s like, there was some kind of conspiracy against me, because no matter how hard I would try to be happy in there I just couldn’t. I’d find myself a moment of happiness, satisfied with my work, sitting before my computer at work and I’d feel this “tapping” on my shoulder from the angel of the Lord, “You don’t belong here.” I’d say to the Holy Spirit, “Why can’t I just be happy here? Can you please make me happy?” But that momentary happiness would not last long. He would allow them to give me some reprieves out of my miseries. I wouldn’t stop asking Him to get me out of there, but yet at the same time He wouldn’t let me quit. A pact is a pact. I said I wanted to work for five years, and if He let me out earlier I will complain again to Him that He didn’t let me do what I wanted to do. This time the Lord was determined to keep me to my word. There were days upon days where I thought I couldn’t do this work anymore. I couldn’t get up for this job anymore. Why was I doing this? I remember finally having had it and went to my boss and handed her my resignation letter. She wouldn’t let me quit. “Sheila,” she said to me, “You can’t afford to quit. You just got a house!” She was right of course. So onward I went day after day, knowing full well by this time, where I belonged. Where I needed to be. Where I should be. Even if I didn’t know exactly what the Lord’s plans were concerning me, I knew He wanted me back in His presence – full time. Remember the plan going in – working full time while I pursued my Music degree? What Music degree? When I went home at night after work, I ate dinner and went straight to my desk and opened my Bible so I could get some rest for my soul. In my mornings I got up two hours earlier so I could get dressed and have enough time to commune with Him so I could face my day ahead. I spent my weekends in the presence of the Lord so I could survive the upcoming work week. I couldn’t deal with life without His presence. It’s like there was a lifeline – an umbilical cord tied at my heart directed from God, and every hour I was away from Him I was suffocating. I survived only those five years because of those times I spent with Him in between. Otherwise I don’t know where I would be right now. I would have probably jumped into a rushing river already to find my eternal rest. I was utterly miserable! Talking about trying to be rich but being utterly miserably poor! I had some money now all right. Yes, it was fun at the same time. I got to spend it all shopping for whatever gave me some momentary joy. I got a brand new car – yay! We got a house – yay! My husband and I can go on wonderful vacations now – yay! Do I feel rich now? Not even close. If having just even a little bit more money made me feel so empty then I don’t want it – anymore!
That last five years and a half has taught me that having money is not the answer to happiness. It has taught me that there is another way of being rich. It has taught me this wonderful scripture: There is that makes himself rich yet have nothing, but yet there is that makes himself poor yet have great riches! Oh, how great are His riches indeed! To feel His presence all day long and feel Him always is truly great riches to me. To see/feel Him hover in my room, or see His face in my soul, or hear His voice after all these years of waiting for Him, is riches beyond compare. When I pray He is right there, I can feel and see His presence. I have never felt so much peace and joy in my life before. I don’t want to ever trade this life with any rich person in the world. For the day did come when the Lord was finished with my job. My company let go of me. They were downsizing and as hard as they tried to keep me, they needed to let me go. Go I did! Alleluia! I couldn’t be happier! The Lord made a way. Later, He provided the hubby with his dream job that paid enough money for us to keep our house, and provided for all our expenses to allow me to be able to stay at home and work full time for the Lord. I finished the five years I had asked Him to allow me to have – and He even made sure He added that six months He “owed” me that I complained about – and now today I can say, “It is over, thank you, Jesus! Five years and a half and I am now yours for good. Father, do whatever you want with me – money or no money – as long as You provide for my food, shelter, and clothing, that is plenty enough for me.” For in Your presence I feel rich indeed. I am rich!
“And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.” {Matthew 19:29}
